Sha la la la, My Oh My
by Phantasmik
Summary: In which Axel manages to piss off a wizard and gets turned into a  poisonous  frog. Roxas thinks it's hilarious, but ultimately decides to brave the poison and kiss the frog. An Axel/Roxas flavored fairytale.


"Stop laughing."

Up until about three and a half minutes ago, Axel had been convinced that nothing, _nothing_ could possibly make this situation any worse but now... well. Now. Sitting perched on the bed across from him, Roxas lets out a choked little giggle, almost a full laugh, which he quickly muffles with one cupped hand. His hair's a little windswept, and Axel wonders what he'd been doing before he'd stepped into the room. If he'd been out investigating this world like he was supposed to or if he'd given into the temptation to try out one of those skateboards that the local kids were always on.

At the sound of Axel's voice, too high, and god forbid, just a little bit _croaky_, he lets out another snort of laughter. Any other time Axel would be joyous about this. He's gotten over the startling realization that he actually kind of likes the little guy and has just started floundering in the deep end where he spends most of his time observing all of Roxas' little quirks and going over them with a kind of precision that, usually, belongs to a twelve year old girl stalking her first crush.

Roxas is still laughing and yes, normally this would be a fantastic occasion for his inner pre-teen girl to jump around squealing _Like, oh my god you guys, I made __**Roxas**__ laugh! Roxas!_ but mostly- ya, the situation isn't that funny.

"But it's funny," Roxas says, still snorting with laughter and finally tucking his keyblade out of sight. The laughter's a little grating now and honestly, he kind of wants to wrap his hands around the kid's neck and just _shake him_, but, well...

"No, Roxas. It really, really isn't."

"But- you're a freaking _toad_-" Roxas sputters, and yes, that is what seems to be the problem. That he doesn't currently have hands to oh so lovingly choke Roxas with. No chakrams, no boots, no badass coats. He'd tried calling the fire to him, but the results had been rather humiliating.

He sighs, long suffering, and burrows into the sheets a little bit- enough so his _entire fucking body_ is hidden from view, and corrects, "Frog, Rox. I'm a frog."

Another laugh is his only response. And fuck, they aren't supposed to be able to feel emotions like _humiliation_ and whatever joyous thoughts that Roxas are currently entertaining. Axel thinks that he probably shouldn't go on- that he should stop there and save the embarrassment for later, but shit, he's a motherfucking frog and that meddlesome bearded fuck's parting words are still ringing smugly in the back of his head.

_Fucking fairytale endings, indeed,_ he thinks, and chews on the cheap sheets in irritation. Since frogs don't really have teeth, not a lot of damage is inflicted on them. He takes a deep breath before going on. "And judging by my vibrant body-"

This laugh is more of a sneeze than a snort, he's pretty sure. Roxas is unzipping his coat slowly, and while normally this would make Axel feel very happy indeed, now it mostly just makes him feel depressed.

"Now you're just making it worse," Roxas snickers, tanned chest gleaming traitorously in the last traces of sun shining through the hotel room window. He chances another glance over at Axel and his face seizes up a bit, doing a very poor impression of seriousness. It mostly just looks like he's trying too hard to hold back laughter. That or he's maybe a little constipated.

"-I am most probably poisonous." Axel finishes, waits as Roxas seems to absorb this new piece of information, face smoothing over with a careful kind of blankness.

The silence creeps in, wraps around them. It's a little bit choking.

"Roxas?" he hedges, a little bit hesitant because Roxas looks a little bit lost and a lotta bit confused. Roxas starts, glances over at him and it's the first time that Roxas has actually looked at his slimy, disgusting body without giggling.

Axel kind of misses the laughter.

"But-" Roxas starts, brow crinkling with confusion, mouth turning down in a careful imitation of concern. "-aren't you- I mean, to turn back- don't you have to?"

Roxas looks helplessly at a loss for words, hesitant to reach for the words, _But don't you have to kiss someone to turn back?_ It kind of makes Axel want to laugh, but the situation was annoying the second after he looked at his body and discovered that it might be a little while before he got his body back. He sighs and decides to help the kid out.

"Yes Roxas, I have to kiss someone. I think that may have been the gist of the joke when the fucking wizard made me poisonous." And because Roxas still looks confused, he tries to elaborate, "Because no one is going to kiss a _frog_ period, much less a poisonous one."

Silence in the room once more. It's quiet enough that Axel can hear the kids playing down the street, just enough that he almost thinks he can hear the faint whir of the wizard's latest experiments. Fuck, he wants to get off this world as fast as possible.

Roxas giggles again, breaks the silence and well, apparently it isn't that big of a deal again because Roxas looks at him over the hand curled over his mouth, and says with a smile that glitters like sunshine, "It's still pretty funny though."

Axel sighs again and turns his back on Roxas, giving a slight hop up onto Roxas' pillow. He's so irritated that he's almost tempted to leave a little present on Roxas' pillow but, yes, ew, that would be gross. He tries to push the huffy, toddler voice to the back of his head before he speaks, but only partially succeeds. "Don't quite see the amusement, but then again, I _am_ bright orange and have the overwhelming urge to _eat_ that fly stuck in the blinds."

Roxas still looks amused, shuffling across the bed towards him, one hand outstretched as if he doesn't understand the concept of poison. At Axel's words, though, confusion crinkles his brow again. "What fly?"

Axel stares at him because shit- "-you can't _hear_ that?"

He hasn't _stopped_ hearing it since he'd managed to get across town and up the stairs into the room. He hops closer to the window, a little surprised by the power in his legs. The jumping bit is actually kind of fun.

"Axel- Axel, wait don't go over there, you might-" Roxas sounds cautious, likes he's trying to warn him, but really, what could happen?

His stomach grumbles the moment he sees the fly, stuck between blinds and the window- buzzing frantically like it's trying to get out and he has a moment to register that _fuck, his tongue's got a mind of it's own_ before-

"Well, I was gonna say you might fall out the window, but that probably tasted worse."

He whimpers. Honest to god, _whimpers_, and hops weakly back onto the bed. Shit, he isn't investigating _anything else_ in this body. "Oh god, I'm going to be sick," he croaks miserably, collapsing onto Roxas' clothed knee.

"...Would you have rather fallen out the window?"

"Oh shut up, Roxas, you're no help right now."

A few minutes pass in which Axel realizes several things. One, that when a frog eats a fly, it doesn't die right away. Two, that the sensation of a fly wriggling inside his stomach is possibly one of the worst experiences he has ever had, including that one time that Isa had- well.

Three, that as a cold blooded amphibian, Roxas' knee is astonishingly hot, even through the cloth. Four, that Roxas keeps making aborted, awkward movements, like he's a kitten curled in Roxas' lap and not a poisonous frog. All the same, Roxas reaches down and pats him twice with one too large index finger.

Axel tries not to think of how that one finger could squash him and instead directs his mental processes towards shrieking, "Poisonous Roxas! Poisonous!"

Roxas scoffs and strokes down his itty bitty slimy spine with that same finger again. Once Axel gets over just how fucking warm that finger is, it kind of feels nice. "Please, Axel, the toxins don't permeate the fucking skin, didn't you go to scho-"

Quiet again, and Roxas looks pissed at himself. It takes Axel an embarrassingly long couple of seconds to realize it's because Roxas doesn't actually remember if _he_ even went to school.

"Roxas?"

Roxas sighs and stops stroking his spine, wipes a hand on his coat and stares at it as if he's wondering if he should go wash it real quick, just so he doesn't stick it in his mouth or something later. "Axel?" he questions back, apparently deciding against the trip to the sink in favor of leaning backwards a bit, propping himself up with his elbows.

"I'm not gonna stay a frog forever, right?" he says, tries not to let his voice come out too small, but as per usual, it comes out a bit panicked instead. He scrambles to correct himself, and also unsurprisingly, the words start bubbling up like a bottomless well. " I mean, we can probably-"

"Axel-"

"-trick Demyx into kissing me, right? Start a brand new Frog Prince fairytale-" nevermind the fact that Demyx may be mostly fish, but he'd laugh himself to death before kissing _Axel_, they'd have better luck convincing him to kiss an actual toad-

"Axel-"

"-aybe we could go to New Orleans-" but no-

"Axel-"

"-o, that was just a movie, wasn't it?" Yes, it was. A movie and Axel didn't really like the look of those voodoo monsters anyway, so-

"_Axel_, for fucks sake, shut up."

Axel shuts up.

"I'll kiss you," Roxas says, rubs the bridge of his nose between two fingers like this whole situation has given him a truly spectacular headache. The giggling, amused Roxas is starting to fade back into normal, quiet Roxas. Exhausted, beautiful Roxas whose beginning to tire of all the missions, starting to pull away little by little. But no, that can't be entirely true because he'd just said-

"Uh, you will?"

Roxas sighs again, stops rubbing the bridge of his nose so he can massage his temple. If Axel wasn't so shocked he'd probably be making a crack about how much Roxas is acting like an old man.

"But uh-" he clears his throat, tries not to frown at himself when it comes out in a croak, a thin little _ribbit_ that makes him feel a little hot with embarrassment. Can frogs even blush? No, they can't, can they- "Poison?" he tries, almost afraid of the response.

Roxas sits up, scoops Axel off his knee, lets him sit in the cupped curve of his palm. Slowly, he shakes his head, blue eyes full off too much determination- like he's facing down a billion heartless and well, _toxins_, so it probably is a big deal. Roxas doesn't seem to think so.

"Worth the risk," he says, slowly, already pulling Axel closer so that his breath washes over him and _oh god_, Roxas could _eat_ him like this.

"...awful poison that'll make your dick fall off?" he hedges, trying not to squeak and shuffle backwards as Roxas perches his chin on his wrists, stares down at Axel and _dear god,_ it is so fucking scary being this small. He examines a callus on Roxas' thumb, tries not to see the way Roxas' expression contracts into hesitance, horror, amusement, and finally back into determination, rapid-fire, like watching a film play out on a big screen. Roxas' voice is colored by something a little like fondness when he opens his mouth and says-

"...Still worth the risk."

Axel scoffs, unwilling to let that one slide even if they're having something of a moment here, and grimaces, "I don't think so, that would be a fucking _travesty-_" because god, _then_ what would he do?

Roxas' lips are soft, even if they're five hundred times bigger than his. Soft and a little bit chapped and then, all of a sudden, they _aren't_ five hundred times bigger than his.

Axel closes his eyes and pretends that he hasn't noticed the change.

Eventually though, sometime after he gets his tongue curled around Roxas', he can't pretend that he's still a frog, because he's mostly on top of Roxas and their cocks are pressed together and the friction is just-

"Well, I guess your dick didn't fall off," Axel says when he pulls back, drinking in the sight of Roxas on his back and panting, gasping in short little staccato bursts as Axel shifts his hips just a little bit.

Bemusedly, Roxas licks his lips, cocks his head in a manner that makes Axel's pre-teen girl perk back up because seriously, _cute_- even if Axel knows how many different ways Roxas could disembowel him with his keyblade if he even thought to say that.

"Huh," Roxas says in dawning wonder, quiet and still swiping at his own lip with his tongue as if he's trying to drive Axel up the fucking wall, because seriously, been there, done that. Axel hasn't watched the kid deep throat popsicles for the better part of their acquaintance for nothing. He's reasonably sure that he isn't going to cream his pants. He wonders what revelation is exploding into Roxas' brain right now and groans, because seriously-

"Shit, it isn't actually gonna fall off, is it? 'Cause I'll have you know if it does I will fuck you up-"

"No poison," which wasn't exactly what Axel had been expecting, but better than his worst case scenario, in which Roxas dropped dead right away.

"What?" he asks, too caught up in the thought of leaning forward and licking a droplet of sweat off Roxas' neck to really pay attention.

He leans forward and does it.

Roxas' breathing hitches, hips shifting up to grind against Axel's briefly before clearing his throat. "I said, you weren't poisonous. Just camouflaged."

A pause.

"It's a defense mech-"

"I _know_ it's a goddamn defense mechanism."

Quiet spreads between them again, thick and cloying and shit, that fucking wizard-

"Did you come back taller?" Roxas asks, curious. Cocks his head again and struggles against Axel's weight above him and the bed beneath him so he can wriggle up a bit so he's level with Axel's nose. Axel tries not to groan too loudly at the way his cock brushes up against just about every surface of Roxas' body before Roxas finally settles and pokes Axel's forehead. Still curious.

He can't stop the groan of frustration and _grinds_ down, relishing in the way Roxas whines, deep in his throat and _bucks_-

"Oh shut up Roxas, you just forgot that you're one short motherfucker. Now c'mere, I need to make sure that thing's still attached-"

"Axel!"

Yeah, definitely still attached.


End file.
